I'm damaged.

finally got the time to blog. wanted to blog ytdy and this morning but really no time.
just finished my tutorials :)

anyway, went to church ytdy and it was one of the rare occasions that I paid 100% attention.
it was good.
the bible readings helped me realised things.
the sermon by the priest pierced through me.

That mass is the first time ever in my life that I sobbed and cried for almost an hour.
I couldn't control my tears.
The songs, the prayers, the words, the tunes.
Everything was inducing my tears to flow.
Those were tears of guilt, of pain, of suffocation, of pressure, of fear... of healing....
I held back a lot, it would have been very very ugly to cry out loud.
All I could do was bite my lips to stop any sound from coming out.

When I started to tremble from pressuring down the overwhelming pangs of feelings,
only then I realized how much pain I was in...
only then I realized how much fear I had in myself...
only then I realized how damaged I was...
"I need help."

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