grrrr!

feeling super duper down! ):
I wanna go back Sabah! I WANNA I WANNA.
Lifeteen just invited me their anniversary & Christmas party.
which of course, I couldnt attend T.T

and and....
December many people coming back to KK wheyy...
no chance to meet them lor... I'll only be back like... in Feb 2012.
gosh...

but... as much as I wanna go back,
I cant possible ask to go back..
given the financial circumstances & the fact that my bro is here too...
if I go back, sure he wanna go back oso one =.=
grrr... life is so unfair de ohhh! wuwuwuwu....

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[302 房] 暗爽还满爽的。。哈哈

hangout with him ytdy :)
quite fun... quite boring.... lol.
let him do some 心理测验 and found some answers that made me 暗爽!
hahaha! ^^

but then again, 爽就只是这样的爽吧？
哈哈。。

很多事情其实很简单， 可是却又不能那么的简单。
不清楚该如何面对和处理。
不清楚到底自己想怎样。

或许今后未来会让人感到后悔， 不值。
可是现在的心情是有一点点的 “满足”。
嘻嘻。

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# libra

每一个朋友里，都有天秤用心对待的一部分，却不是全部。面具重重地盖在脸上，天秤小心翼翼地将自己的真心，分给朋友，不会只给一人。因为天秤承担不起背叛。如果把真心给一个人，承受的背叛，将是没顶之灾。

所以，真正陷入爱情的天秤，是悲哀的。爱上，就代表，把自己的弱点，都交予了一人。

未真爱上的天秤，眼泪是为朋友而流的。不会在朋友面前流，坚强、微笑地安慰着不幸的朋友，一直到朋友转身，背地而流。

君子之交淡如水。天秤对每个人的好，换来的是一些不懂天秤的不屑。当那些误以为自己只是点头之交的朋友，获得幸福的时候，有些人会忘记天秤给予的友谊。天秤只会在那些朋友的背后，淡淡微笑着祝福，就算那些朋友离开了，也不会责备。

天秤其实不是流连花从的花蝴蝶，只是一直在寻找落脚的归属，一个让他伤得太重时，容他砥伤的避风港。天秤不会将一切困难心事都向避风港哭诉，只是等着悲伤过后，才装作不满地样子，跟着挚爱撒娇，说着一些无关乎悲伤之事。

如果天秤找到了真爱，他同样不会在最爱的人面前哭泣。但是他的眼泪从此不再留给朋友，只为挚爱而流泪。

那些关乎友谊的悲哀，关乎爱情的伤，他会隐忍，直至最后不能承载，彻底信任你的时候，向你倾诉。

不要怪天秤的淡然。天秤只是为了保护自己太重。真爱你的时候，会慢慢向你畅开心怀，但是不要太急。

天秤的心灵就像是含羞草，慢慢绽开枝叶，受不得一点点惊吓，如果在未全开放之时，就伤害天秤的心，那天秤的心从此闭得更紧。

不要怪天秤不把心事告诉你。天秤的心事，自己承受，是为了不让挚爱担心，但是天秤的眼底，容易让挚爱看穿，那不要追问。只需要将天秤轻轻拥抱，就是最好的安慰与容纳。

天秤同样喜欢朋友，但是朋友给不了天秤，劳累的归属。如果你与天秤确定了关系，就成为他的避风港，不需要逼问，不需要强迫，只需天秤的悲哀，承担不起之时，给他一个避风港，就替他承担了所有的悲哀。

真爱天秤，就承担起属于天秤的悲哀。如果一味地埋怨他流连花从中，指责他，实属无辜。如果真这样，请你自问一下：你给天秤的安全感，够了吗？他的悲哀，你都能承担吗？

如果你无法容纳这样的天秤，无法承载关于天秤的悲哀，请你一定要坚决地回绝天秤，远离天秤，如果你宽容天秤，反而让一味自以为是对人好的天秤，更深地依赖你，当你实在承载不起这种悲哀之时，天秤受的伤，将会毁了整个天秤。

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> 72 hours

really miss my family :(
I miss KK.

Melaka in need of good chinese medicine doctors.

gosh. suffering so much from this back sprain.

my inerts like gonna burst.

anyway, the above is just a rant. venting...

real reason I'm here:

I'm getting used to not having you in my life?

good thing? haha. thou I still think abt u, but it doesnt hurt any more.

memories are good :)

here comes the 'BUT'...

am I really letting go? waiting for you to hold on?

feels like something is slipping out of my grasp...

but then it felt like I've held on to ntg before, so what's thr to slip out...?

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deception?

just a random post, suddenly thot of it.

been on my mind before but nvr rly had the chance to write it out.

For those who noe me, they would noe my ability to read people.

not to brag :P but I guess I'm quite good at that.

I just enjoy analysing behaviours, anticipating ppl's next move and such.

may make myself sound a bit psychotic here.. hehe..

well, frankly, I do it for fun? it's interesting...? :)

I've received comments or rather complains, abt "cheating on ppl's feelings"..

but rly, I meant no harm.

most probably the child inside me just wanted to come out and prank ppl ;)

but with these "skills", I tend to have the upper hand in manipulation, deceptions, lies...

It makes me feel "dirty" sometimes.

I led or induced another person to the result and answer that I wanted.

thou most of the time, I wouldnt do it but I could.

"izzit worth it?"

- yet another unanswered question in my all-so-complicated head.

furthermore, knowing how to manipulate means knowing how to counter-manipulate.

that's why I'm one of the hardest person to read..

I wan ppl to be able to read me but then I'm scared ppl are able to read.

the irony....

oh well, maybe deep down...

I'm just waiting for the right ppl who would put in enough effort to try to understand me :)

pfft to INSECURITIES.

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uncomfortable in my own skin

they say that psychological pain can cause physical pain.

true? I'm not sure :(

in 'the emo-phase' again.

self doubt? self-loathe? self-pity? I dunno what it is.

I'm just very uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment.

spoke to my babehs and well, whatever I interpreted abt myself was true.

I wasn't thinking too much.

but I can't figure a way to deal with it.

at least not yet.

biggest question of the moment:

" WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO STRONG...? in front of others..."

why why why? I dunno!

maybe it was upbringing? maybe it's my nature?

I cant figure it out.

I cant pull down this defensive wall of letting ppl noe my weakness,

despite how much I wanted to.

this is weird and ironic.

normally, ppl complain abt being weak..?

and here I am, wondering how to be weaker?

perhaps, for me, being weak is being stronger.

hahaha, this is getting confusing.

anyway, like they said, "人总要学会软弱"

applicable to the current situation.

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