希望有一天，可以说 “曾经”。 [2]

2011年一月: 2013年六月

[人呢。。

就是怕受伤害，所以会想尽办法自我保护。

其中的法子，也就是不说出自己真正的感受。

我也不例外啊。

所以在这边，我将鼓起勇气，诚实地…坦白地…　说出来。

"我喜欢你。"

其实这句话，从以前到今天可以对好几个人说的。

可惜的是，错过了机会，不然就是后悔没勇气吧。

因为害怕被拒绝，因为没有人踏出第一步。。

就这样，这句话永远掩藏在心底，这样浪费了。

对一些人，或许我的感情是单方面的。

可是对另一些人，　我反而觉得　“不对呀。应该是彼此都喜欢吧。”]

 

两年六个月。

我没长大多少呀！ 想不到过了这么久， 历史重来。

今天我心碎了。

到最后，我没法告诉你心中的话。

因为我知道，已经太迟了。

因为我知道，我已经错过机会了。

因为我知道， 你的心已经被她拿去了。

因为我终于发现，终于接受。。 我彻底输了。

我们之间有着差不多三年的友情，

也比不过你和她的几个月。

三年，或许你喜欢过我， 也或许你从来都没有这样看过我。

太多太多的“或许” 了。

就让我不再去想吧。 就当你从来都没喜欢过我吧， 应该会好过一些。

一厢情愿， 我好可怜呀！

委屈你了， 林芷君！

 

不知道从何时开始，你开始对我更坦白了。

让我迷糊了一会儿呀。

这么突然的“大胆”， 是因为对我的感觉变了吧。

今天我才察觉到呢。 今天我才领悟了。

 

因为你已经喜欢她了， 所以你可以如此自在地给我攒吗？

应该是这样吧。

如果换是我， 一定也是这样的。

为什么吗？ 因为， 已经没有什么好藏了。

已经没什么好失去了。

所以就大胆起来了。自在起来了。

 

我承认，之前是我选择逃避。

是我选择希望时间和事物可以冲淡一切。

可是心中的渴望还是如此的耀眼。

 

是时候放手了。

是时候让自己解脱苦海。

是时候面对问题了。

 

刚刚你承认了喜欢她，那一刹呐，心会痛。

以之前的经历， 就算不想它痛, 让我明白一定会痛。

因为我就是那么的喜欢你。

 

今天， 我哭了。

明天，我还会哭吧。

哭。 我一定要哭。

这样才能踏实地让自己踏出第一步， 离开你。

我决定不爱你了。

 

人是需要时间的。

就算是暂时消灭在你的世界里，

我坚信， 对我是最好的医疗方法。

 

后会我们再成为朋友吧。

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不是我不坚强， 而是我真的受伤了。
他们说， 失去了才懂得珍惜， 其实珍惜后的失去更痛。
到头来， 我最无法原谅的人， 始终也就只有自己。

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是真的思念 还是 因为习惯了你的陪伴才感到稍微地空虚？
人都是犯贱的， 对吧？

希望自己可以走出心中的迷图。

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confrontations

I try to live a 'courageous' life.
well, that may not be the ideal word, 'straightforward' should be more appropriate.
tell things when it's needed and confront ppl when necessary.

goodness, it's harder than I thought!
why do I feel so guilty when I ignore someone? even when the person is so very annoying?
why can't I just tell the person off?
"stop bothering me."
"I don't want to see you."
straightforward.

Am I misleading you even when I fuyan you?
Take a hint can? ):
Sometimes, I feel so bad for fuyan-ing but one's gotta do what one's gotta do.
I'm mean to say this, but lol, you're not worth my time -.-
for me, it's stressful to face clingy people.
I need my space. I need moderation.

urgh.
I hate it when I'm friendly in the virtual world and ppl get attached and wanna 'invade' my real world.
I'm selectively social.
so please forgive me.

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talked.

these few days been badd.
for my well being at least Lol.
lots of hatred pent up inside.

finally talked to someone about it.
I cried. (well a little) :P
it hurts to be so angry inside.

at least now, I've let it out a little.
baby steps.. (:
looking forward to the day when I let go of this.

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pent up.

no one I can talk to about so many things.
there are people for me to talk to.
but I simply cannot.

Do you know that feeling?

I've gotten used to bottling up my thoughts.
There's always the issue of privacy, of trust, of shoulds & should nots.
If I tell, it might be degrading to the 'subject'.
If I tell, people will talk & then things get complicated.
If I tell, will they actually understand?

I'm so used to building walls around myself.
I've tried, really I have... to tear them down slowly & build bridges instead..
But having it backfire time after time is depressing.

):

Not only that, in MMU, especially my law course,
everyone is kepoh. Everyone!
Gotta guard my own secrets properly or it goes viral.

God, I pray for my family.. keep them safe from harm & out of evil ways.
Lord Jesus, I pray that the court case will be resolved in our favour asap.
Thank You God :) Amen.

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distracted.

goodness! I can't focus in studying! :(
nid to get some things off my chest I guess?
been wanting to blog about things, but then dun seem to be able to do so?
it's like words just dont come to me.
even as of now, it is the same.
but it's making me sien & restless so I'll just try to make myself feel better? :(

hmm~ ok, so this post is gonna be about 'you'.
I feel bad really, for talking behind your back?
but I feel good, for letting it out? hahahaha and finding that others feel the same damn way.

& now I'm caught in a dilemma -__-
I don't really wanna be THAT close with you,
but then again, I am already the closest fren you have here?
full of myself? maybe.

It's not like me to be fake in front of people.
Being nice & being fake are different things.
Please see the line that distinguishes them.

Lately, well as of this semester, I gotta admit, I am being fake.
but only to you :)
Why?? Because that's just who I am.
I give back whatever shit or candy you gimme.
So you gave me shit, why should I give you candy?
You turned ppl against me. deliberately.
Thank God I did not fall to your standards, well, I dont have a need to~
Since you've already done it yourself.

seriously, you think you are that good at reading people.
you assume you are always right.
you assume you know me, but how much do you really?

urgh, one thing that I really despise about you- you hide things.
From so many people for so many selfish reasons.
It's sad.
It's saddening to see how others are falling...
somehow I'm glad that I won't be thr to see them hit the ground.
Your parents for one.
Why do you hide your bf from them?
a quote "a relationship in hiding will nvr last."

in the 3 years I've known you, you've chged like 3 bfs.
I try not to be judgmental, but really, you have a pattern.
The newest one, just dont seem to be THE ONE for you either,
but no harm sucking out every advantage u got rite?

oh yea, & dah lah got bf, stop flirting with other guys lah.
ketaranya the difference in personality when with us & with other guys.
FAKE.
& how dare you tell me I am the one who is fake.
goodness, lately getting close with one guy friend~ super nice fella :)
I hope he's not under her spell cz it would be heartbreaking to see him enslaved.

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