1st Monthsary ♥

Happy 1st Monthsary my bear! ♥
Whoa, time flies eh?

Thank you for trying to make this monthsary thing a good one :)
Would have been better if we could meet up though >.<" Sorryyy....

Hehe, since I cant get myself to say the "thank yous" that day~
Here's a belated one~

Thank you for liking me ♥
Thank you for telling me face to face that you like me ♥
Thank you for wanting to be there for me ♥
Thank you for the hugs and kisses ♥♥
Thank you for always making me sm:)e ♥
Thank you for the jokes, for the songs and for the stories ♥♥♥
Thank you for looking out for me ♥
Thank you for telling me your secret ♥
Thank you for making me feel like I matter ♥
Thank you for crying in front of me :)
Thank you for using your manja voice with me~
Thank you for letting me lie in your arms and bury my face in your chest ♥
Thank you for missing me ♥
Thank you for always being so sweet ♥
Thank you for always complimenting me ♥
Thank you for being honest with me ♥ (transparency kan? haha)
Thank you for the epic memories (*coughs* it shall not be elaborated here)
Thank you for giving me so many names? hahaha.. some are sweet.
Thank you for 'controlling' me (ish) hahaha... it's cute :P
Thank you for bearing with my thick emotional wall ^^"
Thank you for giving me space when I needed it...
Thank you for giving me a push when I needed it...
And thank you for trying to be better at this ♥♥♥

The list goes on and on... hahaha... I'll keep some for next time ♥

P/S: I miss you bear! I really do...
Sorry we had to be apart so long but know that I'm always here for you if you need me~
And know that your 'hobbit/midget/cutie pie/ idk what else' will always be missing you!

P/P/S: Hehe, got smile ka? :P ♥

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

Masked.

I don't like this. This void of feeling.
This feeling of not having someone to like.
This feeling of giving up.

I'm angry at myself.
I'm angry that I couldn't express myself.
I'm angry that it still hurts.
I'm angry that I still have middle child syndrome.
I'm angry that I still couldn't trust.
... that I still cannot open up myself.

When will this defence mechanism fail?
When can I talk about my family without tearing?
When can I find someone to confide in?

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

I'm messed up.

(warning: you may feel a bit ambushed by this post)

I feel like an ass.
I am sorry. Truly I am so so very sorry.
But if this continues on, I will feel more and more lk an ass.

I shouldnt be feeling like this.
Being uncertain so often. I am not insecure btw.
Loneliness is a wrong footing to start relationships with anyway.
and face it, both of us are just lonely.

I wanna say I like you, but deep down I think I actually dont?
I mean I like hanging out with you but..... (sigh)
I don't like this back and forth thing on certainty that I'm facing.

we barely started a relationship and it already felt like routine.
I think it's bad timing? or just bad luck? I don't know.
I'm sorry but everyone has a choice in a relationship.
I shouldn't choose to settle and neither should you.
You mentioned before that if compared to the previous, we would have a better shot at this.
It kinda means you cant rly see the future in us too.

I am bad at handling this and for that I apologize too.
I really dont want to make things awkward etc
and you're a nice sweet guy, u really are.
I am so very sorry but I don't think "we" is a good idea..
I am very sorry that you've meet me too.
I'm sure you can find someone better who can be (way) certain of their feelings.

Most people hate this part but: I hope we can still be friends.
Maybe not right away (if you're hating me now) or maybe not ever (it's ur choice really).
But know this, I really did not intend for things to go this way or to hurt you in any way.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

belated post

(btw, I wrote this last time when you asked me to. just din post it)

First time going out with you was nerve wrecking.
hahaha, actually thought of cancelling so many times.
I had no idea how it actually happened.
I could have been high when I jio u that time :X
Nonetheless, Hunger Games was nice =)
Really wished you talked more though lol.
And then we meet ur friend after the movie, which was better cz you seemed more comfortable then. Anyway, before that I was like "omg, whutt. shy to meet new ppl.." (but wj is cool haha)

The Hobbit was great.
Actually felt pretty bad that I couldnt make it on the dates you asked.
And in the end, we skipped class for the movie haha..
Glad we did? or I did. LOL. quite a easy topic to catch up (Thank God)
This time round you talked more which is good! :)
Enjoyed myself that day ^^

Post-Christmas Dinner
Thanks for the treat and the cute duckie hahaha..
kinda random to receive a duck though :P
Intrigues me on why it was in a bunny suit :O

New Year's Eve
Haha, thanks for jio-ing me out~
Cause I dun think I could have done so? Sorry I coward. #kthxbye
And then couldnt have given you the present :P
Jalan-jalan je without aim, well, that's the first for me. lolololol.
But it was quite nice =)
Thanks also for teman-ing me while my friends are late, very sweet of you :)

P/S: Sweet of you to be understanding and considerate too.. for not "taking me away" from my friends on this day. I felt bad though, cz I could feel that u wanted to countdown with me? (if it's true lol) Again, maybe at some point, I coward again #sorry #kthxbye

Other stuff:
Spending time with you is different.
Different from what I previously encountered anyway.
Good different :)

and I like your singing :P
almost.. almost.. made me melt hahahaha.

okay, bye. goodnight. goodnight. goodnight. (buries myself)

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

Why u keep asking that? 

Or questions like that.

I don't like it lo. 

Feels like u're trying to make me say smth. 

U keep trying to get into my head but u're not letting me into yours. I'm ok with letting you know what I'm thinking but I'm not ok with you not letting me do the same. 

Not purposely trying to reflect your qns btw. 

Happy New Year 2014!

Well, 2014 was off to a good start :)
End of 2013 was great.
Hi. I'm just typing to waste your time.
yes you. the one reading this. nehneneneneh.

okok, serious. Well not really.
I dunno what to post. I had an idea what to post.
But then I dun want to post.
You should post first.
Life don't always go according to plan.
HAHA

Happy New Year :D

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

希望有一天，可以说 “曾经”。 [2]

2011年一月: 2013年六月

[人呢。。

就是怕受伤害，所以会想尽办法自我保护。

其中的法子，也就是不说出自己真正的感受。

我也不例外啊。

所以在这边，我将鼓起勇气，诚实地…坦白地…　说出来。

"我喜欢你。"

其实这句话，从以前到今天可以对好几个人说的。

可惜的是，错过了机会，不然就是后悔没勇气吧。

因为害怕被拒绝，因为没有人踏出第一步。。

就这样，这句话永远掩藏在心底，这样浪费了。

对一些人，或许我的感情是单方面的。

可是对另一些人，　我反而觉得　“不对呀。应该是彼此都喜欢吧。”]

 

两年六个月。

我没长大多少呀！ 想不到过了这么久， 历史重来。

今天我心碎了。

到最后，我没法告诉你心中的话。

因为我知道，已经太迟了。

因为我知道，我已经错过机会了。

因为我知道， 你的心已经被她拿去了。

因为我终于发现，终于接受。。 我彻底输了。

我们之间有着差不多三年的友情，

也比不过你和她的几个月。

三年，或许你喜欢过我， 也或许你从来都没有这样看过我。

太多太多的“或许” 了。

就让我不再去想吧。 就当你从来都没喜欢过我吧， 应该会好过一些。

一厢情愿， 我好可怜呀！

委屈你了， 林芷君！

 

不知道从何时开始，你开始对我更坦白了。

让我迷糊了一会儿呀。

这么突然的“大胆”， 是因为对我的感觉变了吧。

今天我才察觉到呢。 今天我才领悟了。

 

因为你已经喜欢她了， 所以你可以如此自在地给我攒吗？

应该是这样吧。

如果换是我， 一定也是这样的。

为什么吗？ 因为， 已经没有什么好藏了。

已经没什么好失去了。

所以就大胆起来了。自在起来了。

 

我承认，之前是我选择逃避。

是我选择希望时间和事物可以冲淡一切。

可是心中的渴望还是如此的耀眼。

 

是时候放手了。

是时候让自己解脱苦海。

是时候面对问题了。

 

刚刚你承认了喜欢她，那一刹呐，心会痛。

以之前的经历， 就算不想它痛, 让我明白一定会痛。

因为我就是那么的喜欢你。

 

今天， 我哭了。

明天，我还会哭吧。

哭。 我一定要哭。

这样才能踏实地让自己踏出第一步， 离开你。

我决定不爱你了。

 

人是需要时间的。

就算是暂时消灭在你的世界里，

我坚信， 对我是最好的医疗方法。

 

后会我们再成为朋友吧。

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

不是我不坚强， 而是我真的受伤了。
他们说， 失去了才懂得珍惜， 其实珍惜后的失去更痛。
到头来， 我最无法原谅的人， 始终也就只有自己。

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

是真的思念 还是 因为习惯了你的陪伴才感到稍微地空虚？
人都是犯贱的， 对吧？

希望自己可以走出心中的迷图。

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

confrontations

I try to live a 'courageous' life.
well, that may not be the ideal word, 'straightforward' should be more appropriate.
tell things when it's needed and confront ppl when necessary.

goodness, it's harder than I thought!
why do I feel so guilty when I ignore someone? even when the person is so very annoying?
why can't I just tell the person off?
"stop bothering me."
"I don't want to see you."
straightforward.

Am I misleading you even when I fuyan you?
Take a hint can? ):
Sometimes, I feel so bad for fuyan-ing but one's gotta do what one's gotta do.
I'm mean to say this, but lol, you're not worth my time -.-
for me, it's stressful to face clingy people.
I need my space. I need moderation.

urgh.
I hate it when I'm friendly in the virtual world and ppl get attached and wanna 'invade' my real world.
I'm selectively social.
so please forgive me.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

talked.

these few days been badd.
for my well being at least Lol.
lots of hatred pent up inside.

finally talked to someone about it.
I cried. (well a little) :P
it hurts to be so angry inside.

at least now, I've let it out a little.
baby steps.. (:
looking forward to the day when I let go of this.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

pent up.

no one I can talk to about so many things.
there are people for me to talk to.
but I simply cannot.

Do you know that feeling?

I've gotten used to bottling up my thoughts.
There's always the issue of privacy, of trust, of shoulds & should nots.
If I tell, it might be degrading to the 'subject'.
If I tell, people will talk & then things get complicated.
If I tell, will they actually understand?

I'm so used to building walls around myself.
I've tried, really I have... to tear them down slowly & build bridges instead..
But having it backfire time after time is depressing.

):

Not only that, in MMU, especially my law course,
everyone is kepoh. Everyone!
Gotta guard my own secrets properly or it goes viral.

God, I pray for my family.. keep them safe from harm & out of evil ways.
Lord Jesus, I pray that the court case will be resolved in our favour asap.
Thank You God :) Amen.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

distracted.

goodness! I can't focus in studying! :(
nid to get some things off my chest I guess?
been wanting to blog about things, but then dun seem to be able to do so?
it's like words just dont come to me.
even as of now, it is the same.
but it's making me sien & restless so I'll just try to make myself feel better? :(

hmm~ ok, so this post is gonna be about 'you'.
I feel bad really, for talking behind your back?
but I feel good, for letting it out? hahahaha and finding that others feel the same damn way.

& now I'm caught in a dilemma -__-
I don't really wanna be THAT close with you,
but then again, I am already the closest fren you have here?
full of myself? maybe.

It's not like me to be fake in front of people.
Being nice & being fake are different things.
Please see the line that distinguishes them.

Lately, well as of this semester, I gotta admit, I am being fake.
but only to you :)
Why?? Because that's just who I am.
I give back whatever shit or candy you gimme.
So you gave me shit, why should I give you candy?
You turned ppl against me. deliberately.
Thank God I did not fall to your standards, well, I dont have a need to~
Since you've already done it yourself.

seriously, you think you are that good at reading people.
you assume you are always right.
you assume you know me, but how much do you really?

urgh, one thing that I really despise about you- you hide things.
From so many people for so many selfish reasons.
It's sad.
It's saddening to see how others are falling...
somehow I'm glad that I won't be thr to see them hit the ground.
Your parents for one.
Why do you hide your bf from them?
a quote "a relationship in hiding will nvr last."

in the 3 years I've known you, you've chged like 3 bfs.
I try not to be judgmental, but really, you have a pattern.
The newest one, just dont seem to be THE ONE for you either,
but no harm sucking out every advantage u got rite?

oh yea, & dah lah got bf, stop flirting with other guys lah.
ketaranya the difference in personality when with us & with other guys.
FAKE.
& how dare you tell me I am the one who is fake.
goodness, lately getting close with one guy friend~ super nice fella :)
I hope he's not under her spell cz it would be heartbreaking to see him enslaved.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

oh mai gawdd.

diuuu~ getting pissed off leh!
jidan gao -___-
so hard meh what I ask you to do?
My instructions sibeh the clear liao leh.
Why other people, I reject their work once then ok ady?
Why you no do better?

Is making me bolat u noe?
I reject ur work trice! not once, not twice, but TRICE.
if u still cannot gimme a 5 paragraphs of quality work,
I'm afraid I might blow up at ur face man.

So tempted to take over n do it for u.
But fuck it. Why should I?
Why should I suffer when u dont do shit?
When all you do is date date date?
OMG, so disappointed sial.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

You're not THAT different from me.

Well, honestly, I'm taken aback with your reaction to the prank.
It was trivial.
Oh c'mon, as if you never pranked anyone.
As if you never lied.

I've explained myself & I dun find the need to explain any further.
You for one should understand that lies come hand in hand with pranks.

"If you can't tell the truth, just don't lie to my face."
Whao. I cannot believe you tweeted that.
I would say the exact same thing to you.

Frankly, there are so many times when I could have argued or fight for myself.
The thing is, I just choose not to.
I don't like to fight. But I can, really.
I can say things, things that hit nerves, things that hurt.
Things I can't take back once said. That's why I refrain from doing so.
What's the point of making everything so pressuring & strained?
rite? It aint worth the time. It aint worth anything for that matter.
& plus, it would make it seem like you're the victim & I'm the mean bully.
^^

So Yeah, so go on. Continue the cold shoulder treatment.
I aint apologising any more than I had.
Since you always treat it as though NOTHING HAPPENED when things did,
Let's just use your way ok? :)

Don't worry. I'll be around.
But I aint taking the first step to reconcile.


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ORANGE

feeling orange lately :(
I dun like it.

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overwhelming

ok, I dunno wtf is wrong with me.
I can't get myself to work, I can't get myself to study.
I stress-eat. For trivial reasons.

I'm just very moody.
dam all of these.

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f*cker stress ahhh!!!

!(&#@*#(!&$)!()#@()!@!!!
GRRR!~
STOP THROWING THINGS FOR ME TO HANDLE LAH.
OMG. F*CK MAI LIFE.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

mental down breaking.

de blah de blah de blah.
long time no see.
goodness, rly can't take it anymore.
today was very very overwhelming.

Law Seminar this n that,
CSS gatherings this n that,
School Works to catch up.

feeling pressured.
feeling unappreciated.
feeling edgy.
annoyed.
angry for no reason.

This is getting too much.
I can't stop the tears somehow.

❥ †r¥ïñg †ö lïvê †hê ß꧆ öµ† ö£ ï† ツ

I dont expect any of you to understand

PRANKING.
it's just part of me man.. if you cant take it, just OVERSEE IT.

To you ppl:
I thought u would have known me better. Not understand, but know.
I'm disappointed. This happened before.
Maybe you don't understand why I like to prank, but the fact is that you must have at least known.
Why are you out to spoil my pranks?
NOTHING is perfect. I NOE.
You see those imperfections, I NOE.
Cant you, for the love of God, let it slide?

Again, human fraility.
Everyone wants to be smart.
They feel superior when they THINK they outsmart other people.
damn all of these.
you think I dont see the imperfections in the pranks I pull?

oh puhlease.
I noe who are likely and unlikely to fall for the pranks.
izzit that hard to ignore or play along?

haters gonna hate.
bye.

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